To get over a first love can be quite challenging especially when expectation had been built. Just like every other thing in life, first attempt is usually an experimental stage.There are possibilities of not achieving success, but then the pain associated with that can be excruciating, but why it should be? After all, you ain’t the first to encounter failure or difficulty while pursuing something for the first time?A lot of person’s had gone through that stage and yet survived, and even willing to try more. But yours feels like it’s the end of the world, you don’t even want to be consoled, or have someone inspire you with the assurance that you can do better when you make subsequent attempt.As a matter of fact, the mention of “subsequent attempts” dreads you. Why must there be a second attempt? Why can’t everything go on as planned with this first attempt.All these feelings and thoughts usually enacts from “over confidence”. There’s this excitement and ecstasy that comes with new exploration.Relating that with “relationship”. The experience seems to be similar. Falling in love for the first time can be intoxicating. You just can’t help but get obsessed over the relationship and your new partner every now and then. With this feelings, there won’t be any expectation of disappointments or betrayals. However, just like the saying goes, change is the only constant thing in life. The most exciting relationship can eventually turn out to be soar, and when it does, you’re expected to mourn and get over it, the last stage which is to get over it is where the challenge begins. Why is it taking so hard?
Reasons why you can’t get over a first love..
Over expectations –
Just like was previously explained, new relationship often comes with excitement. This euphoria can make you forget that nothing lasts forever sometimes, it will make you forget that life can be unpredictable and instead of living for the moment while expecting the worst, you’re living for the future and expecting the best always. Building fantasies and expecting that the relationship will always be a bed of roses, and when reverse becomes the case, you”ll end up wailing endlessly. When you’ve pictured the kind of life you desire, it will be so difficult to erase that picture from the mind.
Naivety.
Every first experience makes one nervous. This naivety comes as a result of lack of experience..You’re skeptical of what to expect, and so may not prepare your mind for the outcome..It is often said that experience is the best teacher, this is because the more experience you have, the more strong and prepared you are to face any life challenge. With diverse experience, one traumatic experience can never overwhelm you because you’ve definitely gone through a lot.The scenario is applicable to first love too. As you haven’t gone through other experience, it might feel like the end of the world. It may only takes determination and time to get you healed.
Emotional investment.
This is the major reason why people can’t get over a first love. The more emotionally drawn you’re to your partner, the difficult it seems to let go when things goes south.Time is synonymous to money, and no one would love to spend their time in an unproductive activities, that implies that the time spent in a wrong relationship can be emotionally draining.Imagine loving someone wholeheartedly because you thought they’re your perfect match, while rejecting other potential partners/suitors in the process. Most times, when the relationship is over, it becomes so shocking and unbelievable, hence leading to a heartbreak that takes so long to heal.Investing emotionally can also create Emotional attachment, this is where the major problem lies. bonding on a first date is necessary and almost irresistible. When these bonds are created, it becomes more difficult to let go. Women are mostly affected by this, especially when intimacy had been involved. Women attach emotions to intimacy, and so would likely find it difficult to let go more than their male counterpart.This mostly affect women who are celibate (virgins). There are so much expectations during their first sexual attempt with a man, and if this expectation doesn’t come to reality, it becomes difficult to let go.
Self denial.
After break up, what next? Healing and moving on usually follow thus, but unfortunately, after break, most people channel their energy in looking for ways to go back to their ex, rather than strategize ways to heal and move on with their life. This act makes them to remain stuck in their previous relationship.You can’t move on when you haven’t accepted the fact that the relationship is over.The fact that they are your first love and you’ve probably planned a lot with them for the future doesn’t imply that the relationship must succeed. If you want to erase the chapter and memory of your ex completely, you have to come into the terms of accepting that the relationship is over . Don’t anticipate for a change of mind, no matter how you feel.
Financial investment
Financial investment is one of the greatest way to show show commitment and to proof that you genuinely want someone in your life. It is natural to invest where your future is guaranteed. People hardly invest much into your life if their intention is just to have flings with you.Spending your resources on someone and then getting jilted afterwards can make a heart break linger. And when it comes to first love, a lot of people do more than required, this is because they are new in the game and never thought of heart break.However, it is important to note that loosing a first love isn’t the end of the world.Sometimes, our first relationship is a preamble that helps us to prepare for our subsequent relationships which might end up becoming successful.Perhaps, the break up might be a blessing in disguise, the euphoria and the exciting memories spent wouldn’t let you realize this. So the next question, what steps can I take in other to get over a first love?
How to get over a first love.
Admit that it is over.
To solve a problem, you must first acknowledge the fact that there’s one. Stop looking for ways to get back together, accept the reality, no matter what you’ve invested in the relationship, don’t get yourself worked up for so long. Free your mind to let go, with that your healing process will began gradually.
Stop seeking for revenge.
This advise might sound easy, but then it isn’t. I understand how frustrating it is, to give your “all to someone, investing your Emotions, resources and time, without knowing that your effort will be futile.It is natural to seek for revenge, it is natural to make them have a taste of their medicine, nevertheless, all these will only get you frustrated.The more you think of revenge, the more stagnant you will be towards moving forward. No matter how difficult it is, forgive them and let it go.You’re not forgiving them because you still want them back, but you’re forgiving them because you want to save your mental health. Your mental health is at stake when you bear grudges. Karma may happen, but don’t wait for it, once you’ve determined to let it go, your moving on will no longer be too difficult.
Open your heart for new beginning.
Your ex is in your past now, your first love is in your past. Sticking to the memories means dwelling in your past.You need to take prompt action by opening up your heart to meet new friends, don’t isolate yourself from others, socialize with people both online and offline, and who knows, you might meet someone special who would fill the vacuum your ex left, and not just to fill the vacuum but will give you a permanent and unforgettable love feelings.
Avoid rebound relationship.
To get over a first love, you must resist the temptation of being in a rebound Relationship. I know is quite difficult to be alone at this moment, you desperately need someone to fill in the vacuum left. The feeling is quite normal, but usually ends up in frustration, because you will end up comparing and contrasting between your first love and the rebound. This is because you never fell in love, neither were you attracted to them, you just wanted the void in your heart to be filled.
Erase your mind from the intimacy shared.
This is the most difficult aspect for ladies who are trying to get over a first love.First time isn’t just for fun. We all crave to have it with someone who’s special and who deserves us too.The feeling of having your first sexual experience with a man who ends up breaking your heart can be traumatic. But that noth withstanding, make up your mind to stop thinking about it. See it as one of those experience in life that prepares you for the next phase. When you glue so much to it, you will keep regretting for the rest of your life. Have it as a lesson, never to rush into intimacy at the early stage if a relationship till you’ve ascertain their true colour.
Talk to a therapist.
This should be the last step to get over a first love if other steps had proven abortive. To some, it may be easy doing it alone, and to others they might need psychological help from a trained professional in the field. If getting over a first love is begining to prolong, you might need the assistance of a therapist. Please do not hesitate to seek for one to avoid prolonged depression.