My first book, BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends), grew out of a kids’ friendship program I ran in schools with small groups of students. Participants gained social awareness and skills alongside their peers through activities and conversations in a fun, supportive environment. These friendship groups typically met weekly for six to eight weeks.
It’s exciting that schools and communities now widely use BFF or NRF, and Middle School – Safety Goggles Advised to help students gain relationship skills individually and in groups. These books, born from an effective program, are designed to be easily adaptable in various settings. They empower counselors, leaders, and caregivers to tailor them to kids’ needs. The following steps help to prepare for running a friendship group.
5 Steps to Start a Friendship Group for Kids
- Group Size – A group of five to eight students is an ideal size. This allows for meaningful interactions and ensures that each student has a chance to participate. Consider which kids would benefit from being part of this group, such as new students, students navigating friendship struggles, etc. This group size also helps to manage social dynamics such as cliques or behaviors that detract from everyone feeling included.
- Meeting Schedule – Find a consistent day and time to meet with the group weekly, such as during lunch on Wednesdays. I’ve found that meeting once a week for 30-45 minutes for six to eight weeks works well. However, it’s important to remember that the schedule can be adjusted to best meet student needs.
- Plan the Focus for Each Group Meeting – Center each meeting around a specific topic or skill. For example, one meeting could focus on healthy friendship skills, the Friendship Pyramid, or conflict resolution. Each chapter of the books BFF or NRF or Middle School – Safety Goggles Advised is designed to be the focus of a group meeting as chapters are interactive and include questions for discussion.
- Gather Consent from Students, Teachers, and Parents/Caregivers – Share the kids’ friendship group opportunity with the students, their teachers, and caregivers. Describe the benefits and what students will learn during group meetings.
- Set a Positive Tone & Group Rules – The first meeting sets the tone for the group. After a fun ice-breaker, gather input from participants to establish group rules and expectations. For example, set a rule that what is shared stays in the group to help create a safe and supportive space. Another important rule is not to use names when sharing experiences. Encourage students to reference “a friend” instead of using her/her name when sharing. Keep the rules simple and visible at all group meetings.
With this solid foundation, you’re ready to lead an effective group. Friendship groups, in addition to fostering social-emotional growth, can boost academic achievement and school engagement. This is a testament to the power of social-emotional learning in supporting student’s wellbeing and growth.
Research on Social-Emotional Programs
A 2023 Yale study analyzed 424 social-emotional learning (SEL) research studies, making it the most comprehensive SEL research review to date. Building on decades of research, this study confirmed that students who participated in SEL programs do better in school, academically and socially.
“Our new findings provide robust evidence and a deeper understanding of the effectiveness of SEL: positive effects that matter for student success in the short and long term, across the K-12 academic lifespan, and a range of SEL programs and outcomes.” – Christina Cipriano, PhD, Yale Child Study Center
One of the most rewarding parts of running a kids’ friendship group is seeing the growth in each student. While I was working with a girls’ friendship group recently, one of the participants shared, “I love coming here. I feel like I can really be myself with this group.” Sentiments like these share the power of focused, effective programs that support the social and emotional growth and well-being of kids.
About Jessica Speer:
Jessica Speer is the award-winning author of books for kids and teens, including The Phone Book – Stay Safe, Be Smart, and Make the World Better with the Powerful Device in Your Hand, BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends)? A Girls Guide to Happy Friendships and Middle School – Safety Goggles Advised. Blending social science, stories, and activities, her writing guides readers through the tricky stuff that surfaces during childhood and adolescence. She has a Master’s Degree in Social Sciences and a knack for writing about complex topics in ways that connect with kids and teens.