The human body, despite having the same basic blueprint, comes in infinite subtle variations. The concept of a “textbook example” of something is one guaranteed to frustrate, as it is so easy to vary and wander off the bell curve. But while someone can know this intellectually, having to live the reality in our day to day is much easier said than done.
Today’s column comes courtesy of a reader who wants to join in the backdoor fun they see everyone doing around them…but their body is not cooperating. What does one do when any attempt at penetration results in an anal fissure? It seems quite unfair! Do they have a chance at any in through the out door? Or will they be forever denied? The Dirty Talk Advice Column isn’t a doctor Jim, but we do have some answers.
What would your advice be to someone who got a fissure literally every time they tried anal penetration – no matter what went up there? Can one meaningfully condition oneself to be more accommodating down there, and are there any side effects? It would be an awful shame to make one’s anus less efficient in its everyday duties – is that something that you actually risk by doing that, or would you need to take it to ridiculous extremes before it became an issue?–Penetration Problems
This is going to be a shorter column than usual, but I am picking this particular question out of the mailbox because I feel that this is a topic that very much needs to be discussed. There are few things more frustrating than seeing people all around you cheerfully engage in an activity that your body won’t let you do…but this is where you currently find yourself.
What What In The Butt
There are any number of reasons why one might find anal more challenging than we would like, from hemorrhoids to IBS to fissures. All of these conditions can be extremely painful and they can all get in the way of the play that we desire. In your case, every time you attempt penetration, you acquire a fissure. That is definitely outside the bell curve and should be looked into. I am going to very much recommend going to see your doctor.
Worried that talking to your doctor about an ongoing anal fissure issue that occurs every time you attempt penetration is going to be awkward? Don’t be! Discussing such things is literally their job. When I broke my jaw and needed surgery to repair it, I made it very clear to my doctor that oral was an important part of my life and I didn’t want that taken off the table. I was given physical therapy exercises that involved popsicle sticks and rubber bands in order to stretch my repaired jaw back to its previous range of function.
Help Me Doc 
The fact that fissures are an ongoing issue is definitely worth a check-up. If, once you talk to your doctor, you find that there is an overlying issue that cannot be easily addressed, you may end up finding you don’t have an invite to the anal party. This will no doubt be frustrating, and I hope that isn’t the case for you, but sometimes our bodies simply do not cooperate with what it is we want them to do.
I have a not insubstantial amount of friends and acquaintances who find themselves living with bodies that don’t cooperate. Usually, it is ongoing hemorrhoid issues, sometimes it can be IBS. The unfortunate truth is that our meat sacks decide what it is they want to do and we are just along for the ride. We do the best we can, but these bodies have a mind of their own.
Anal Fissure Issues 
While one can “meaningfully condition” themselves to be substantially more accommodating if they are willing to invest the time and effort, they’re not going to make much progress with conditioning if there’s an underlying health issue. All the training in the world isn’t going to count for much when our bodies can’t cooperate.
If, after talking to your doctor, you find out that anal penetration is not in the cards for you, there are many other options still available in the sexual buffet. There are so many amazing and delightful things to explore! If your butt doesn’t want to oblige, the menu is still extensive. I wish there was a magic solution to non-cooperative bodies. The best solution I have found is pivoting. Pivot and try something else PP. For now, make that doctor’s appointment, and best of luck.
Keep it Kinky My Friends,
RDG
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