My best friend, Kathy, lives in Dallas.
We met and bonded — immediately— almost 30 years ago when we were randomly assigned as roommates by our then-employer for a six-week training in Chicago.
We don’t see each other in person very often and so last week, I made a reservation and hopped on a plane to go down and visit her.
The flight started out just fine.
But five minutes after leaving the gate, the pilot announced that a sensor had gone off and they had to get it checked. We sat there for 30 minutes. No additional information was provided.
Eventually, the pilot said we were ready to go, so we pulled away. Five minutes later, that annoying sensor was triggered again. Back to the gate we went. Another 30 minutes passed. No updates.
Suddenly, everyone on board received a text from the airline saying the flight had been canceled! Lots of groaning and a string of panicked phone calls from passengers to their loved ones saying, “I don’t think I’m going anywhere today.”
And then, just as people were standing up to get their things, the pilot told us to please fasten our seatbelts because we were going to take off shortly. We did, and the rest of the flight took place without incident.
Ugh! How aggravating! Not because there was a bad sensor (that happens), or even because the flight was nearly canceled.
The problem was in how poorly and inconsistently things were communicated along the way. The truth is, if you wanted to write a guide on how not to improve customer satisfaction, this would be an excellent example to highlight.
How to Hold Awful One-On-One Meetings
Unfortunately, airlines aren’t the only ones with a proven capacity to model bad communication behavior. I see it frequently with leaders and managers as they conduct one-on-one meetings. Often, it seems they are intentionally trying to demotivate employees!
Of course, this is rarely the case. But the result is the same – employees who are disengaged, discouraged, and lacking enthusiasm.
With that in mind, I share with you now my proven guide for conducting one-on-ones the wrong way (please don’t follow it)…
Schedule the meetings, but then keep canceling, shortening, or moving the date/time.
There really is no better way to say, “Among all the projects, tasks, and people I must attend to, you are the least important.”
Conduct the meetings as if you are in the military.
Get the information you need with a minimum of back and forth by asking “directive questions” (these often begin with “Did you?” or “Why did you?”). This helps make the meetings feel transactional. Done well, you will conjure up a sense of dread and make employees feel as if they are being called down to the principal’s office.
Keep expectations murky.
In his book, Positive Leadership, Kim Cameron suggests holding a one-time “role negotiation session” early in the employee’s tenure. By clarifying expectations and responsibilities, Cameron says misunderstandings are minimized and job satisfaction is improved. Try to avoid this.
Never express gratitude or celebration.
Let’s face it, work can often feel never-ending and most people take little time to celebrate key milestones or progress towards goals. So don’t pay attention and never look for or comment on what’s going well to the individual, the team, or upper management.
Conduct meetings without structure or agenda.
Putting some structure around the flow of one-on-ones keeps them from becoming a catchall meeting with a focus only on immediate, tactical issues. Further, establishing a regular cadence, such as 30 minutes a week, will prompt you to think in advance of key topics while creating a consistent framework that invites collaboration, considers broader issues, and positively impacts performance.
But that feels like a lot of work. Maybe just wing it.
Don’t make time for development conversations.
One-on-ones offer a perfect occasion for discussing problems, brainstorming possible solutions, and evaluating current projects. They are also great opportunities for helping your people focus on their professional development. Steer clear of these topics as best you can.
Disconnect the employee’s job from the company vision or mission.
By ensuring that employees never feel their work contributes to the company’s overall purpose, you can often reduce their enthusiasm and commitment to the greater cause.
Avoid any personal connections.
Developing positive relationships is a big benefit of holding regular one-on-one meetings. Don’t miss the chance to nip these relationships in the bud by never straying from topics and conversations that are strictly business.
Don’t hold one-on-one meetings at all.
I often hear leaders say, “I talk to my people all the time.” Or, “We have team meetings once a week.” Not meeting consistently on an individual basis with your direct reports is a great time saver. Plus, it allows you to sidestep the opportunity to hear about their problems and help them develop in their respective roles.
This is Not YOU
Of course, I am (mostly) just kidding.
You come to work every day with the intention of being an exceptional leader – one who cares, who creates a positive environment, who builds strong relationships, and who encourages information sharing, problem solving, and professional development. Investing regular time with each employee helps you do all of these things.
The solution? As always, self-awareness is at the heart of improving leadership skills. Personally, the Enneagram is the tool I’ve seen jumpstart self-awareness. The more you know about yourself and how you tend to think/behave, the more you will be able to perform as the leader or manager you hope to be!