What do you want/need for Mother’s Day?
Flowers are sweet. Dinners are special. Cards and calls are endearing.
A day at the spa, or the lake, or in bed (or fill in the blank for wherever you want to spend your day) is refreshing.
But my gift for you on this Mother’s Day is not tangible, frame-able, or even hash-tag-able.
It is, however, priceless. It can also be difficult, because it’s a gift you have to give yourself, and some of us are truly bad at that concept.
I’m talking about the gift of forgiving yourself.
Do you know what I’m guilty of? Scrolling through social media and comparing my life to someone else. What? You mean, you don’t?? Well, good for you. (Even if I don’t quite believe that.)
I compare my social life. I compare my relationship (or lack thereof). I compare my contentment/happiness. I sometimes even compare my struggles.
And before you judge me too harshly, you know what many of you do?
Compare your parenting style/skill/scorecard with the ‘other moms’ out there. And if you do that too long doubts will begin to form and guilt will soon follow.
You will start to ask; “Are my kids happy?” “Do I do enough with my kids?” “Should I enroll them in this/that/the other?” “Do they stay inside too much?” “Do they stay outside too much?” “What do they think of me?” “How can I buy them that outfit/phone/game that everyone else has?”
Stop already!
Are you a perfect parent? Probably not. Are the people you compare yourself to the perfect parent? No to that as well.
Here’s the truth. We make mistakes with our kids. I did. I did when they were small children and I still do today even though they are adults. I made the wrong choice. I was selfish at times. I just simply had no idea what to do in some cases. And that’s ok. Because I know I did the best I could, with what I had at the time.
And that’s really the key. Children are not fragile pieces of china that will break under the slightest of pressure. They are tough. They are resilient. They bounce back. And up. And down. Bouncing is literally something they do best.
The biggest thing your child needs to know is that they are safe with you, you have their back, and you love them unconditionally. The other highs and lows they work through.
Now, it is true, that kids will often push back. They will rebel, complain, pressure, use guilt tactics, and play one parent against the other. They are human, after all, and they want their way. They will be upset and angry with things that happen. It is ok for them to have those feelings.
What’s not ok is for you to take on the weight of all those feelings. If you specifically know of a mistake you made, and you feel it is important to own up to that, tell your child. It is a learning tool for when they have to admit when they are wrong and it will build trust because they will know you are being fair.
They will forgive you if you are sincere with them. You then have to learn to forgive yourself.