Summary: Parental controls and child safety settings can help protect kids online and reduce young kids’ access to inappropriate content. To be most effective, controls should be set up on all devices your child accesses and accompanied by ongoing family conversations about digital safety.
This past week, I visited an elementary school to discuss digital safety with students and parents. During the parent presentation, I felt the angst among caregivers about how to best protect kids online from inappropriate and harmful content, such as porn. Half of the parents in the audience reported that their elementary-aged child had already stumbled upon explicit content while searching for other information online.
With technology and the internet engrained in daily life today, pornography has never been more accessible to children: 93% of boys and 63% of girls report being exposed to internet pornography before the age of 18, with the average age of first exposure being 12 years old. (that means many kids are finding porn before the age of 12) It’s important to note that online porn may be violent and highly graphic, making it especially difficult and confusing for children to witness.
What to Do If Your Child Stumbles Upon Porn
Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for children to find porn and explicit content online. If your child discovers explicit content and you are unsure how to respond, this Ask Lisa Podcast episode with psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour is helpful. The children’s book Good Pictures, Bad Pictures also explores the topic in an age-appropriate, supportive way. Stay calm, avoid shaming your child, and tell them you are glad they came to you. This signals they can come to you again when they need help or have questions.
Ways to Reduce Inappropriate Content on Family Devices
Luckily, there are several ways to protect kids online and reduce the chances of young children finding inappropriate and harmful content. The best approach depends on your family’s specific needs and interests, as well as your tech devices and home setup. No strategy is foolproof; your child will eventually find content intended only for adults, but the following tools help.
1. Parental Controls on Devices
Start by exploring the parental controls on each device the child accesses, such as an iPad, computer or phone. Privacy settings and sensitive content warnings are often found in device settings. Every major gaming console provides parental control measures to help parents manage their child’s gaming activity. Smart TVs also provide some form of parental control, even if it is a PIN locking certain features.
2. Safety Features and Content Controls on Web Browsers, Games and Apps
Next, explore the settings in the web browsers, search engines, games, and apps the child uses. For example, Google offers Safe Search that filters inappropriate content on web and image searches. YouTube offers a restricted mode, “supervised account.” For more protection, only allow your child to watch YouTube Kids. You could also install a kid-friendly browser, such as KidRex or Kiddle. Many games offer parental controls, too.
Here are some additional tools to protect kids online:
- Use Apple Screen Time on iPads and iPhones
- Set up Microsoft Family Safety on Windows devices
- Enable Google Family Link or use Google Play safety settings
- Use Google Family Link to set screen time limits, block apps, approve downloads, block sites, and filter content. You and your child must have Google accounts and be signed in to use Family Link.
3. Parental Controls On Your Router or Through Your Internet Service Provider (ISP)
You can set up controls on your home router or contact your internet service provider (ISP) to learn about their parental control features. These approaches add another layer of protection when kids connect to the internet at home. Remember, these controls will not work when a device connects to the internet via another router or ISP.
4. Third-Party Parental Control Apps
Many third-party applications (free and paid) monitor and limit screen time, track cyberbullying, and block explicit content. Some of these applications include NetNanny, SafeEyes, Bark, Aura, and Qustodio. Each of these tools offers different features and plans for families to consider to protect kids online.
Teach Kids About Digital Safety Alongside Parental Controls
Parental controls do not teach children about safe searching, privacy protection, or media literacy. Talking about these topics regularly with kids helps them learn to use technology in safe and healthy ways. Share kids’ books like The Phone Book – Stay Safe, Be Smart, and Make the World Better with the Powerful Device in Your Hand to explore digital safety and inspire family conversations. Parental controls are most effective alongside other online safety strategies, including:
- Regular conversations about digital safety and digital citizenship. From digital footprints to privacy and stranger danger to cyberbullying, there is much for kids to learn about digital life. Foster age-appropriate, supportive family conversations so your child knows they can come to you when they need help.
- Establish a family tech agreement – Family tech agreements are a great way to establish family rules for screens. There are many sample agreements available online to use as a starting point. Most agreements include time limits for how long, when, and where your child can use devices. Agreements also include what kids can do online. Be sure to revise your family tech agreement as your child grows and becomes more responsible.
- Practice the 3Cs (Calm, Connected, Curious) when talking to kids about tech. Ask questions, learn about what your child likes to do online, share your experiences and ask about theirs. Be sure to focus on technology’s positives and negatives to balance these conversations. Most importantly, come to these conversations with a sense of calm and try to foster connection with your child.
Summary: Protecting Kids Online
Setting up and maintaining parental controls for young children takes time, but the process strengthens your awareness of your child’s digital world and prompts ongoing family conversations about safety. Connecting with other parents and researching online resources also helps to demystify the process. When the time eventually comes for you to pull back your oversight, your child will be ready to practice digital citizenship and safety on their own because you have helped them build foundational skills.
About Jessica Speer:
Jessica Speer is the award-winning author of books for kids and teens, including The Phone Book - Stay Safe, Be Smart, and Make the World Better with the Powerful Device in Your Hand, BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends)? A Girls Guide to Happy Friendships and Middle School - Safety Goggles Advised.Blending social science, stories, and activities, her writing guides readers through the tricky stuff that surfaces during childhood and adolescence. She has a Master's Degree in Social Sciences and a knack for writing about complex topics in ways that connect with kids and teens. Jessica regularly contributes to media outlets on content related to kids, parenting, friendship, and social-emotional learning. For more information, visit www.JessicaSpeer.com