These advice columns are not about me as much as they are about my cumulative knowledge of the things that I’ve learned along the way. I try not to center myself in these columns, and when people send in direct questions about me personally, I tend back burner them. It isn’t that I am opposed to talking about myself, but I don’t want to do it all the time. However, if the questions submitted seem like they might be helpful for others, I will occasionally tackle them.
Presenting volume 3 of Q and A with Rain DeGrey, today we are taking two questions submitted by readers that others might also find useful. Has my chosen lifestyle made it hard for me to get into relationships and date? If you want to pursue the same life path as me, how would you go about doing it? The Dirty Talk Advice Column has all the answers!
“Has being in the industry affected your personal life much when it comes to dating and building relationships?”
Has being in the industry affected my personal life when it comes to dating and building relationships? No. Not at all. Not in the slightest. I’ve personally never noticed a thing.
I have been in the industry for 15 years now. I have been married for over 20 years. I am polyamorous and have always been in a varying number of relationships, depending on how each of those various relationships are flowing and evolving. I know some people have the perception that people in my line of work are highly promiscuous and have low standards, but that isn’t how I personally do my relationships.
I’ve tried swinging. I’m terrible at it. It doesn’t do a thing for me. I want to know the name of your childhood pet. Your favorite band. Your favorite food. The name of the street you grew up on. I like relationships. The better I know someone, the more I enjoy spending time with them. Minus my marriage, my relationships tend to last around half a decade. I have nothing bad to say about any of my exes (Except one. In general, avoid people who have spent time in prison. Lesson learned) I can always see the ways in which we didn’t work out and I can always see how they are more compatible with their current partners.
A relationship not working out does not mean that either of us failed, it just means that we tried and it didn’t work out. Not everyone is compatible for a lifetime. I know that haters like to say “You will be tainted FOREVER. Nobody will EVER want you!!” but, um, tell that to my spouse of 2 decades? They aren’t in the industry, but they love me. Cuz I am an awesome wife. I suppose that if I was in a small town in South Dakota, I might have a different answer for you. But I live in San Francisco and nobody even seems to notice. Being a professional naked person doesn’t really define me and has never had any bearing on any of my relationships.
“Could you give me advice about how to get an agent for writing erotica and performing?”
I can’t because I have never had an agent for either writing or performing. I have always been a freelancer. I just submit stories and apply to companies/studios/ photographers I want to work with and they either decide they want to work with me or they don’t. It’s as simple as that. 
Not every studio/photographer/publishing place I have applied to has accepted me—nobody has a 100% success rate. Getting rejected comes with the territory and I have never taken it personally. Who I am and what I can do isn’t going to be everyone’s cup of tea and that is okay. For every opportunity that passed on me, someone else said yes.
Of course, some people have agents, and getting an agent is the same process as being a freelancer. You submit an application and if they are interested, they say yes. Every agent, studio, and publisher can be located online. Those interested in applications will have a section on their site for you to do so. Submit your application and express your desire to do something with them, and if they like what they see, they will get back to you.
As a former talent booker for an adult industry studio, I would recommend submitting an application more than once if you’re really interested in working somewhere. I would get a lot of applications that came across my desk, and for any number of reasons I might not end up responding the first time. When someone was clear that they were interested in working and submitted more than one application, it could increase their chances of a response from me. A willingness to work looks good. What is the worst that could happen? Someone says no? Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try again. Persistence pays off. Always.
That’s all for volume 3 of Q and A with Rain DeGrey. If you have a personal question about me you want answered, submit it and it just might get addressed in a future column!
Keep it Kinky My Friends,
RDG
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