In the midst of personal loss and heartache, it can be difficult to find the strength to be there for others who are also grieving. You may wonder how you can possibly offer support when you can barely keep yourself together. The inclination may be to shut everyone out and focus inward.
However, strange as it may sound, showing up for your loved ones when they need you most could actually help ease your own mourning process. Connecting over shared grief can be remarkably healing. Here are some perspectives on why and how to balance taking care of yourself with being present for those around you.
The Power of Empathy
When you’ve experienced profound loss yourself, you have an incredible wellspring of empathy to draw from. The rawness of your pain gives you a deep well of understanding for what others are going through. You know the disorienting fog of grief, the utterly soul-crushing moments, the random tiny joys that make you feel guilty. This hard-won empathy is a powerful gift to share.
Grieving Together is Healing
Instead of isolating yourself, opening up about your pain and listening to other’s stories—be it, friends, family, or community support groups—can create a bonding experience. You’re in this anguish together. Crying on each other’s shoulders, sharing memories, offering presence instead of trite advice – these can all be powerful connectors. In holding space for communal mourning, you may find your own burden lightened, even if just for a moment.
Giving Creates Meaning
In the midst of devastating loss, it’s natural and healthy to feel depressed, angry, or numb at times. Contributing and helping others, even in small ways, can help inject some meaning and purpose back into a life that currently feels hopeless. Making others feel heard, supported, and less alone in their time of darkness can cultivate healing and start to mend torn spirits.
It’s Okay to Set Boundaries
There’s no way you can be everything to everyone while grieving such a monumental loss yourself. Setting boundaries about when you can listen or help, and when you need to prioritize self-care is critical. It may help to schedule specific times for checking in with others, allowing you to emotionally prepare. Don’t be afraid to be honest about your limited bandwidth.
Grief asks so much of us at a time when we have the least reserves to give. Yet within that mourning is the key to supporting one another. By harnessing empathy, finding strength in shared sorrow, creating meaning through service, and setting compassionate limits, we can find the balance to be there for loved ones when everyone is deeply hurting.