I was just in Lyon, France, and one of Lyon’s points of pride is the vital role it played in the resistance movement against the Nazis in WWII.
And one of the tools used by the resistance fighters were the Traboules—secret passageways through private buildings on the winding streets, originally built for the silk workers in the 1500s to protect their goods from bad weather during transport.
Lyon has over 400 traboules (less than 80 are open to the public) and I got to traverse through four of them.
They are hard to find and hard to access—you have to learn where to look and the right timing and buttons to push to access, or join a tour with a knowledgeable tour guide.
(Or, in my case, you can wait for others to exit or enter one of the doors and dart through before it closes. 😂)
What does this have to do with pushing the RIGHT buttons in your marriage?
Although spouses or partners in long-term relationships tend to know each other incredibly well, I’ve consistently seen in my work how often there are emotional needs or companionship desires that go unspoken and unmet.
The longer these emotions are unspoken or these needs unmet, the more distance forms and resentments built.
Do you know what’s hidden in your partner’s secret emotional pathways? Do you know the right combination of timing, patience, curiosity, and kindness to push the right buttons to open the door to relationship insights?
With all the couples I work with for intimacy coaching, I make sure to ask: What’s not being said or addressed? What are you avoiding? What are you afraid to bring up or ask?
Then the three of us work on creating the emotional safety and mental container to explore these hidden passages.
~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus — Sociologist, Relationship Coach, & Intimacy Speaker